What Life Has For Me

 

I am crying.

Crying and sobbing at the same time while reading my 3 year old blog post (Experiences Are The Best Teacher) with our ‘wedding first walk’ Thai song as the background music – I have no idea what is the name of this Thai song but it is my top favourite song for now.

I am touched. I am happy. I am enlighten by what life has for me in these 3 years (and more). Reading and looking at my past through what I had written and posted made me emotional. Have I been this far? The first quote of the post that triggered my emotion:

“I begged Him to lead me to the road of happiness where I can find my cheerful smiles again. I was tired of driving in the round-about again, and again and I want to get out of there. Also, I pray that God will heal my broken heart, allowing me to give and take love again when I’m ready. I pray that I’ll be guided to my true love, someone who suit me best, deserves me and will treat me rightly and faithfully”.

I don’t know why I get so emotional by just reading my own writing. I guess, life has taught me so much and each lesson is so meaningful to me. I admitted that it is not easy to face and cure a broken heart. It is a daunting task. It was hard to face the day and night once the heart had been betrayed, but I am glad that I have grown stronger and happier day by day.

Because, I am blessed with a loving family – my parents whom have become my biggest support system in term of physically, mentally, emotionally and financially although sometimes, they will against my will due to different perspective. Despite of all, I know they care and love me so much that they are worried if I will fall and hurt myself.

 

Because, I am blessed with a bunch of lovely buddies whom always care and support each other. All of us are busy with our personal life and career, but we always try our best to contact and reach to each other. Life now get much easier with FB and Whatsapp

His and mine buddies = Ours

Remember how I used to call them my angels?

“Besides, I realize I am one lucky soul who is blessed with a bunch of beautiful angels. They are always right by my side through thick and thin, including my family and closed friends. I feel touched each time I received help or even a small wishes, prayer, hug or a simple hello as each of them mean so much to me. I guess, this is a valuable treasure that money can’t buy”.

 

Because, I am blessed with the career which I have gotten myself into by being a Teach For Malaysia fellow (first cohort). There, I have known and made closed bonds with a group of 48 fellows and a strong staff team. I have grown and developed professionally as a fellow and adding in valuable lesson into my personal growth. In these 2 years, I have learned so much from each fellow whom I have come across and now, we are as closed a family.

 

Because, I am blessed to have taught these lovely 400+ kids in 2 years time. They are a 13-14 year old kids but they too, have taught me uncountable life lessons that have shaped me into being a better individual. I am truly touched and thankful for these kids (I miss them again.. )

 

 

Because of all, I am blessed to have found a man who loves and appreciates me for who I am. I am touched by his effort to always be his best and relentlessly contributes to the relationship. Often, he is willing to compromise his needs just to fulfil mine. He respects and loves my parents because he knows they are my strongest support. He puts in efforts in knowing my closed buddies because they know I treasured them much (even made them involved in the proposal and wedding plans – twice!). He tried his best to understand my uncommon career path and gives me unconditional support despite that he thinks I am better off somewhere but TFM as a teacher. He even tried to make time to visit my workplace and students so that he could understand and support me better. Not to mention to all the preparation he had done for the proposal and our wedding.

 

The proposal <3

Calv and his ‘business lesson’

A surprise from him~

 

TFM family and us

 

What else can I ask for? T__________T
What have I done in my late life?
     


Having Calv in my life has encouraged me to be my better version. He has taught me the meaning of love and how to love him and people around me more. Not perfect but I am learning each day.

I believe, I am emotional because I am thankful for the people I have in my life. I am emotional because I am grateful for the choices that I had made. I am emotional because my life is blessed with all the loving people and opportunities that come across. I am emotional because I can now celebrate for whoever I am today.

2012-2013 have been an amazing years because of all these people, the loves and the opportunities given. It is already 19th December 2013 and it is great to reflect on what I have done throughout the years.

Oh.. and thank you too Blogger for still keeping my blog although I am no longer active in blogging (I know, Calv is going to laugh at me again ). I do think that it is good to keep this hobby not for fame but for personal reflection and to record my gratefulness to people around me.

Thank you for all the amazing experiences. I will be back again, dear bloggie.

Stalked By A Life-Time Lover

 

My blog, yes this curryegg’s blog has sadly turned into an abandoned blog since 2 years ago. There is no proper answer for the disappearance of the owner as she is still as passionate as before in writing, as adventurous as before in experiencing life and as reflective as before in understanding life and herself as an individual.

 

Now that she is preparing to move on to another stage with her hubby, Calv and in the meantime ending her 2nd year of fellowship with Teach For Malaysia, there should be abundance of stories to be shared. However, this author seems to be stuck somewhere and it is unexplainable.. It seems like she is happy to be a hermit at the moment. haiz..

 

While this author is pretending not owning any blog, just a normal person who read other blogs (yes, i do that often. maybe i read yours too?), her *official hubby goes extra miles by often popping up a few weird phrases in nowhere.

 

Phrases like:

“Are you reading Mr. Bean Holiday? Are you reading Mr. Bean Holiday?”
” You already loved panda even before we met. Now you are owning a real panda in front of you, happy or not?”
”A postman called you Curry Egg before right when he delivered you the parcel?”
”I know you are not Megan Fox. You are Curry Egg”.
.

.

.
and so on and forth
.

.

.

My *official hubby will never fail to end his conversation with this:
”I think my prediction on the fall of your blog will come true again. I am going to hack your blog account end of the year and post a big note stating that curryegg’s blog posts have gone down again after meeting me. Muahahaha….”

 

 

O_o!!!

 

Like seriously?
Why I couldn’t even recall what he was mentioning?
When he claimed that these are quoted from my blog and he even toured me around my blog’s achieve, i tell you… my eyes and mouth were widely opened in disbelief!

 

I was surprised by how details he can be and took note with nearly everything I posted here although I no longer as active as before. At the same time, I feel bad because he has been waiting for my return with reflective and ‘me’ posts.

 

I don’t know when my activeness in blogging will be turned on again. I don’t know if could write as interesting as before. I don’t know if there is any blog reader who wants to read my blog. But one thing for sure, is that my life-time lover will always stalk and read my blog despite of my inactiveness.

 

Thanks dear for loving me whole-heartedly by constantly taking the effort to understand my past and deliver your discovery to the present so that we can laugh together. You have motivated me to be our very own writer that savour each and every moment together (or individually). I am blessed to have a life-time stalker like you.. LOL.. =P

 

Thank you and I want to be back here again to prove your prediction wrong.

 

He is the keeper. Cheers to my life-time stalker lover <3

 

P/s: Why *official husband? Just for the sake of fun in highlighting the ‘official’ word as we just signed the paper a month ago

The Unknown

A time to be alone seems to be a wise thing to do. An unknown situation had happened. I have been sitting here at a cafe, being surrounded by the crowds, trying to calm myself down and reflected on the unknown. Still, I couldn't figure out what is the root cause.

I tried to release my stress on my sketchbook. However, I stopped half way, not knowing what to be drawn anymore. Then, I shifted to reading but after 4-5 pages, my mind couldn't seem to focus anymore.

The unknown seems to be scary as it eats up my emotion and creates more worries. I am scared. I am sad. I am worried. In the meantime, I know sitting here and doing nothing couldn't help.

I am obviously lost but still, hopeful that the unknown will be clarified or at least be understood, and then be translated into love.

I am hopeful. I am wishful. I am prayerful, to discover the unknown, and allows it to connect us again.

The Ending Of The Final Chapter

Hi guys!

How are you all lately? Finally, I have taken the guard to come back to my quiet space and update myself. I have a news here!

I am getting married in another 9 days!
OMG!!!!

I still couldn't believe it. I mean, I couldn't believe that I am marrying Calv after years of dating. Of course, I am happy and excited because I am marrying to my soulmate. One thing which I am pretty aware of - my singlehood is going to end in another few days!

Another round of OMG!!!!

I am grateful and thankful for the journey which I have been through with Calv and I pray that we will be blessed with a loving and happy marriage together as a couple, a spouse, a teamplayer, a business partner (emm.. what type of business?), a parents, a family or... probably just as simple as 'you and me'.

In the meantime, I would like to thank to all my readers who have been following my chapters of life between year 2007 till now despite of my frequent disappearance. Often, I curved a secret smile on my face when I am thinking of some funny comments from you, or feeling touched remembering the warm support from you, or pushing myself to stand firm on my two feet while enduring a hard moment after recalling a harsh but true comments from some of you. Although it has been years and my Disqus comment system had eaten all the old comments *mourn*, you guys are still in my mind.

Hence, I would love to share this moment with you - a moment where the bride-to-be is excited with 'double-hood', nervous with the future has for her, happy to love and be loved and thankful with whatever she has right now before moving into a new book (well, not just a new chapter anymore). Let us cheers this moment with a smile.

Thank you and I love you <3>

Dancing In A Storm

I am affected with our local political news lately.
So much of negativity, racism, bias and harsh. I could feel that I am stressed out not just because of my personal tasks, but with all the issues which are happening around me.

I care for my nieces and nephews.
I care for my future children.
I care for my students.
I care for my family.
I care for my nation.
I care for our future.

 

Because I care too much, this is why I am affected and somewhere close to being depressed. Part of me worried if the sun is not showing itself any sooner. Will the rain water drown us all?

 

Well, all I want now is to….

Photo credit to Calv.

 

Dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth - William W. Purkey

 

May us be blessed with all the love and happiness around. Thank you God.

“Everyone Is A Genius, Including The Fish That Tries to Climb A Tree.

“Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid” – Albert Einstein.

 

During in my childhood, I often think that I am stupid. One of the reasons is because I hardly understood what was taught by the teachers in all subjects except Art, Music and Science. Often, I received low grades and as a result, I was streamed into back classes which were known as the C, D, E, F, G or H class.

 

There were 10 classes all together and I am glad that I was located somewhere between the 3^rd – 5^th class. Well, I was the only one who is grateful with my academic performance back then because, often academic results were being compared with my other relatives whom at similar age.

 

It was not a good experience to share because after each conversation that involved academic achievement, I will end up feeling stupid, sad and disappointed with myself. Sometimes, I will even feel hopeless with myself because I know I have been trying very hard yet, the result was not promising enough to reach the community’s expectation, especially my parents’.

 

I remembered those days when I became very desperate to succeed and asked my parents to send me to tuition classes, just like my other ‘bright’ friends. I observed and interviewed their success stories with the hope that the same story can apply on me. I hate to be left behind because that kind of feeling is really torturing and unbearable.

 

I know I wasn’t as bright as my friends, but I also know that I am not stupid because I could actually understood the content of any subject taught by my teachers. However, I had an extremely hard time to express my understanding into words during exam. This frustrated me the most.

 

I still remember how I excelled in creating the best mind-map in Kajian Tempatan subject. I still remember my ‘Mini Botanic’ project (herbs and mini plants are planted in a used plastic bottle) won the first place during school’s Science week.

 

I still remember my team members and I won the best English scrapbook because of the creative content. I still remember, my artwork was selected in a local magazine competition and won a consolation prize with my school name on the magazine page. My name was being called by the teacher in duty during school assembly to receive the rewards and being complimented for making the school proud. I still remember the name of the magazine – Tunas Sains and Rakan Sains!

 

Despite of my other achievement, I still feel that I was not bright enough to belong in the ‘smart group’ because according to the school’s test score, I was just an average person. I guess, God heard my desperation and grant me a chance to excel in studies. The year following that, I was sent to Penang to continue my standard 6.

 

My lifestyle had changed and I received more attention and opportunity at school because the number of student throughout standard 6 was only 32. Besides, I had learnt study skills from various resources such as books, role models, teachers, friends and etc. Here is my turning point where everything changed from worse to good, good to better.

 

I began to excel in examination from UPSR, PMR, SPM to STPM. Although the result was not as impressive as other top scholars, still I am thankful and grateful with what I have today because seriously, it’s not easy. For someone who is a visual and audio learner, it is challenging to express ourselves through the typical school test and examination.

 

The only way to succeed is through memorization, repetition and constant practices. These are my secret to succeed which then, granted me a chance to enter University of Malaya for Bachelor of Counseling. Since then, I am happy to call myself a passionate life-long learner because finally, I have understood the meaning and joy of learning after being a typical student for more than 20 years.

 

I do not have to memorize anymore because I have found a way to understand and connecting facts.

I do not have to bore myself to death repeating the standard answer given by people from other century (sounds like alien here uh?)

I do not have to force myself to be what I am not to please people who do not understand the principal of ‘no one size fits all’ pedagogy – just like what Albert Einstein says:

 

 

“Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid” – Albert Einstein.

 

 

Well, I lie. I am still doing it right now (though in minimal quantity). If you have been reading this whole post till here, you should know that this is actually a quarter of my assignment on Assessment and Technology Pedagogy Integration course with UUM. I could do what I like (which is to draw my thoughts and make them into video clip with special sound effect!). I am doing my assignment and that is why I have not updated my blog for few days. Well, I am applying the 4th Habit from Stephen Covey – First Thing First. Assignment is more important than blogging because it will take 25% of my coursework.

 

So, is it true that everyone is a genius?
If a fish is being forced to climb a tree or there is no possibility for survival, will it at least try? If it succeeds, will the same cycle happen to other fishes? 

 

I am the fish.

Dream Big As We Only Live Once

The theme of this post itself has already inspired me to Do More Than Dream.

Yes. The moment when I visualize and plan for the topic I want to include in each alphabet (I am still thinking about X-Y-Z as they seem to be the hardest!), instantly I could think of the theme for D.

I want to blog not just about my dream, but about my friends, my blog readers’ and my students’ dreams, and I made it! *cheerfully typing out more words on keyboard*. However, due to time issue, I will just focus in my students’ dreams.

Here is a story about what happened yesterday in the classroom:

Yesterday, I had a class with 1SP3 and was very mad with them for not finishing homework although second chance has been given. Hence, consequence was given by asking them to stand till they complete their homework. While discussing homework, some of them still showed misbehavior in the classroom which we agreed that it is an act of disrespect to the teacher and classmates, and not giving their best. Hence, action was immediately implemented where some of them had to stay back till they complete their work.

Seriously, I was real unhappy. I am thinking to myself, is this what I signed up for as a Teach For Malaysia fellow. Am I going to waste my 2 years for fellowship and receive such work from them? Will they grow and become a respected person in future that can contribute to the society? The answer is no.

 

I drove home completely exhausted after staying back for 15 minutes. Teaching is not an easy job and I realize this since last year however, I keep my faith that this 2 years of journey is going to be worth it in term of helping other individuals to grow and be a better leader for themselves. Well, I know I grow so much too in these several months.

 

I go back home feeling so restless till this morning, I decided to make a short blog about the ‘Dreams’. As I am looking at all the pictures which I had taken yesterday, a sense of happiness is formed and inspire to live my new day ambitiously.

 

Here are the photos that I meant. They were told about the Blogging A-Z Challenge and I asked if they are interested to participate because I want to feature them in my blog with the dreams they have. Most of them have low mastery in English (even numeracy too) but they told me that they want to try to write it in English. I am so touched by their effort seriously. I don’t even have the courage to try when I was at their age T.T

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I lam touched by his dream: He dreams that one day, he can confidently use English as a form of communication and enter UKM (one of the university in Malaysia).

    

 

Looking at their dreams, they have made me understand what they want and value most in their life. I am grateful to read that some of their dreams are about taking care of their parents, bringing them for holiday and live a happy family. This is something that I am looking forward too besides just a merely career ambition. They took quite long moment to think, write and decorate their paper because Ms. Kai Lee (me) told them that what they wrote will come true so they have to be really careful and serious with their dreams. Well, according to psychology, it is true. What you think will result in action.

Are their dreams big enough to be considered as Dream Big? Well, I think they are plus.. they are all beautiful dreams.. <3

What about mine?
They are seriously a lot! - to have a happy and loving marriage, have kids, write educational books, go Japan and Paris…… and they go on and on and on…


And now, as a teacher for over 400+ students, I dream that in 10-20 years time, I will see all of them living their dreams.