10 July 2008

Orange Should Be My Colour

How are you guys lately? Doing great over there?
First of all, I would like to thank to all my readers for leaving me caring messages both in my comment box and cbox. Each message I received do make me happier. Thank you a lot... *hugs*

As I always believe, blogosphere is somewhere I can feel warm and happy... *touched*

I guess, this is one of the reason why I've stopped mourning by changing my blog template from black to orange. I don't want to let my readers worry about me. Besides, black is not my colour... am I right?

Some of you're asking, what has actually happened to my granny? Here's the story:


Deep inside my heart, I really miss my granny a lot. Whenever I think of her, tears will start streaming down uncontrollably. I didn't expect her to leave so soon - not until the doctor make any clarification on her situation.

I still remember that morning, 6.35 a.m when my father's handphone suddenly screamed loudly which had woken everyone in the house. It was from my aunt who was in the hospital taking care of my late granny.

I could hear some whispers far in the living hall. It was a very short conversation before mum making everyone jump out from the warm, comfortable bed. Granny was in her extra-ordinary mode! She had been awoken since 5.20 a.m with her both eyes opened so widely. No words could be spluttered out no matter how hard she tired. Her dried, cracking lips were hurtful. It was due to her infectious lungs which had made the doctor to stop her from consuming any food nor water.

We took about 40 minutes before reaching the hospital where my granny was. I brought along my novel because I knew I will spend my whole afternoon with my granny... I know, I was wrong.. *sigh*

It was not visiting hour when we reached there (7.20 a.m). As a result, all of us were not allowed to enter the room. Luckily, mum managed to convince the guard that we will pay 5 minutes visit to my granny. So, we went in.

I never know the 5 minutes will be my last moment talking to my granny. If I'd been told earlier, I would find way to stay in the room for another 2 hours and company my granny till her last breath.

If only if I know....

Well, God will never tell you. He will let you discover the answer by yourself. Dad and I walked out from the room when the guard came and chased us out. I spend an hour out there before smuggling into the room, again when the guards were away. Sometimes, doing something illegal is right. Yes, I know I was right for making that move.

Once I reached the room, I saw people where crowded in the room in front of an old lady's bed. They were the old lady's family. Doctor had predicted that she might not be long so all of her family members had been called out to meet her for the last time. She was struggling gasping for air and I felt so sorry for her.

My grandma was not good neither. She breathed so hardly for air from the oxygen tube and at the same time, I could feel her palms were gradually becoming cold. Mum was wiping her sweating body; my cousin and I was messaging her hands and legs while my aunt was talking on the handphone, informing her other siblings.

Slowly, her breathing became inconsistent - fast, very fast, slow, slow, fast, very fast and finally.. stopped.


I was stunned in front of her body when everyone was shouting her names, asking her to wake up. "She must be joking", I told myself.

She likes to give us surprises. Like 3 years ago, she was so sick and everyone thought that she might not be long. But then, she survived. Then, the next following year, she had broken her leg and we thought she might not walk anymore. Again, she brought us surprises in which she managed to walk after few months struggles. This year, her arm had broken due to her unexpected stroke and she again, managed to recover from it. She had been such a lucky woman for years and I thought this time, she could pass the test again.
Well, I was wrong...

The next thing I could hear was cries from my family members. I was the one who was so dumb. In such a shocking moment, I'd forgotten how to cry. I had no idea on what should my emotion be.

No tears were produced until I saw my granny's body in the coffin during her death ceremony, few hours later. I knew I will never get the chance to hold her hand nor seeing her smiling again. I knew I will never hear her calling my name again.

I thought I'm a strong girl. Again, I was wrong. I found out myself crying so hardly when my granny's coffin was being taken away. That was my first lesson in accept death from the people I love the most, someone who is close to me.

I can feel the pain of losing someone who is important in my life. It's difficult to accept the truth but no matter how, I will be strong here. I know I've grown up and I should be more mature in handling problems.

My late granny's death do make me realize that, wealth is nothing compare to health. She doesn't bring anything away - not even her body nor properties. All her things remain on earth while she... somewhere in the heaven? This has reminded me on why Bill Gates wants to share his wealth with the society. I believe he understand the meaning of life very well.

My dear friends, do appreciate every moment you have with the people around you. You might not know how long they are going to live or maybe you, yourself. Besides, achieve your dreams if you have one/a few. Or else, life will be meaningless if you come and go without leaving any memory here.


Notes: Granny, I miss you here. I will be a good girl so don't worry about me. Do take care of yourself in heaven. Grandpa, do take care of her.