Seriously, it is funny that how hatred can turn into love. This drastic change has surprised me because I had never expected this will happen. Don’t ask me why. It just happened, as if there is a cupid shooting his invisible love arrow into my heart causing me to fall deeply in love with the person next to me.
In fact, it is not a person who I fall in love with but a course namely, Action Research.
For the past 12 weeks, I showed no interest at all in this subject. One of the reason is because this subject killed most of my brain cells whenever I heard of the words, “Qualitative” and “Quantitative”. Even though I had attended a Research course in my previous semester, I still have no confident in answering any of the terms. I believe I am not interested to be in the research field especially when one has to always deal with systematic procedure and boring statistic.
It bores me when I am not allow to use my own creativity in the field. Well, I am not a kind of person who love following the rules, especially those old, traditional ones. Wait a minute. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean not following rules equal to breaking rules. I am a discipline person OK. It is just that I prefer not to follow the norms IF I am allow to. As long as I am not breaking the law, I know what I will do. This is one of my unique characteristics.. :)
Being in the class for more than 12 weeks, the love feeling slowly develops. I realize I started to like Action Research bits by bits each day when I am filled with more knowledge and information. From a low self confident girl, I slowly become braver and stronger. I dare to speak up in the class, asking and answering those questions threw by the lecturer. Although most of the time I gave wrong answers (which sometimes being pointed out in a high key voice in front of the class), still I am glad that I had picked up this brave move. It makes me stronger by being less afraid with critics because in the end of the high-pitch class, I will be pampered with soft pats on the shoulders or a warm hug from my friends who are also my group member.
Well, I do understand why our lecturer got mad when we failed to answer her question or not being able to follow her instruction. I basically know why. She worries we might not be able to do the research properly when deadline is approaching and test is just a stone throw. She also afraid that all her hard work will be in vain when her students still unable to stand on their own feet by observing our performances in class. Her worries are just like a mother’s worries, never stop, never end. I guess they will only send when she sees us scoring A in this subject? Lol..
My highest level of love for this course took place on 26th October 2009 when my group, Fabulousta finally made our last presentation in the class. I had sleepless nights, days before the BIG DAY in which I tried to improve the slides, points and ways in presenting it. I was really committed in making this final presentation a success because I don’t want to see my group being criticized badly for not preparing well. And I don’t want us to be screamed for putting wrong information nor wrong method in the end of the presentation.
Those negative critics in our first presentation have really awaken me. Stretches and wounds in heart have really taught me to stand up and fight. Emm… not that I will fight with my lecturer, but to fight with myself. I keep telling myself that this time, our group can do something remarkable, something extra-ordinary where we can create a big ‘WOW’ in our lecturer’s heart. Besides, I am pretty confident that our research topic is something worth to be shared, something which will teach us to appreciate ourselves even more. I may write about our research topic in another post.
Unwind myself with the Fabulousta members right after the presentation.
Indeed, our direction is right. We have performed pretty well and have surprisingly impressed her. There were no critics nor scolding this time, instead only praises and compliments in return. I was almost ‘shocked to death’ when she announced a free lunch for our group members at a royal club. Oh dear.. never had I thought of this part. I mean, I had never thought of our group will be selected as the best group among the 14th group nor a free meal with her because all I was hoping for is to make a good presentation, delivering whatever hard work we have made in the past 1 month. We have been working so hard for this assignment, ever since the beginning of the October and all we hope is to to the quantitative research correctly.
I am glad that our hard work is paid with this fabulous trip to a club sponsored by our lecturer. It was like a Mary-Go-Round dream because I had never been to any makan trip with my fabulous coursemates and the lecturer. Emm.. what about the Mary-Go-Round dream? Well… whatever.
Although it was a bit weird sitting and eating side by side in a Chinese Restaurant which located in the club with our lecturer, still it was a great day for all of us. We had a good, long chat with the lecturer and new friends from other course (TESL).
Before going back to our own ‘cabins’, forcing to switch on the exam mode again, we had a wonderful time cam-whoring with each other around the club. Well, it is something which I will normally do, isn’t it?
I just couldn’t stop myself from capturing as much pictures as possible during in this sweet moment because I know, in the end of the day, I will be stress again with this Action Research course. There are still 1 XXXL assignment and 1 final paper which I have to face and work on before the real victory celebration.
So, I guess you know what am I up to if you can’t see any update in this blog. Right?