Whenever the end of semester is around the corner, a great sense of guilt always hits my nerve. There is one part of me wanting to play so much but another part, being chained and forced to start getting serious with studies – like it always happens. In fact, I am serious ever since emmm….. yesterday?
Urgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh…..
I don’t get it. Why I always feel stress in the end of the semester although this time, I have planned my time wisely and should have no problem in time management? (I thought). Somehow, the works are like pilling up so high that it has almost reached Mount Kinabalu. Why oh why?
I believe I have this perfectionist trait in me in which I will make sure whatever I am doing reach my goal and expectation (at least 70%). Well, before I go any further I have to explain that I am not a real perfectionist in which I don’t give myself too much pressure if I don’t achieve what I hope. The idea of being a perfectionist in myself is mainly because of I don’t want to have any regrets in my life.
Questions like:
“What if I work harder, will I get B instead of C-?”
“What if I plan my group assignment better, will I have less struggle in the end?”
“What if I study earlier, can I play earlier?”
“What if….?”
“What if….?”
“What if….?”
P/s: Have you encountered this problem too?
I hate to face this kind of “What if” situation especially when I don’t give honest effort into certain tasks because most of the answer will end up in the negative form which in the end creates guilt in me.
As I am growing older, I’ve learned that future is always in our hand IF we know how to work on it. Even though it might not appear like what we have planned, at least we have tried to give our very best and learn from our failures. What we can do next is to:
improve our strategy and try it again,
improve, try and again,
improve, try and again,
improve, try and again,
improve, try and again, again, again.…….
till we succeed.
The bad thing about being a perfectionist is, those easy works will turn out to be the hard one. In another way of saying this is, I tend to give more than what is required which mostly consume much of the time and energy. So, 5 works will double and become 10 (just an example).
Of course, it sounds easier to write than to do. That is why, I have this biological clock that always controls me, alarming and forcing me to put thoughts into actions. I guess, that is also the reason why I have been sitting on the white marble floor facing the black silky laptop of mine for hours and hours. Happy to say that I have done one part of my assignment. But sad to say that I chat more than I work in these 4 hours.
Darn.
Well, it is time to get back to my work. Writing a post regarding to this issue is to remind me to not forget of my Mount Kinabalu assignments. I believe by this Sunday, I can finish them up. Yes! Kah Yau!
But.. sigh.. it is Deepavali man. I wanna smuggle those muruku and Indian dishes out from my friend’s and neighbour’s houses. Planning a stealing muruku attempt tonight. Anyone interested to be one of the member? We make it a team. Must be fun seeing curryegg stealing curry and egg.
=P
Oh no!
I haven’t draw anything on my canvas. How am I going to put my art work in the art gallery on next Monday?
Shit.
P/S/S: Those books were free! I got them from the library when free old books were given. And those photos were taken during my stress free moment which I believe will help me in destressing my current situation.. T.T
I want to be free. Help.