I was always… and still always…
a perfectionist who have the tendency to do and finish work, perfectly perfect.
I would rather delay my time in the search for the ‘Best Inspiration’, and then only commit in doing the work.
It happens to my coursework, assignment, housework, making presents and even when it comes to blogging. I find it hard to start a task especially those which I am fully passionately, committed and excited with. Often, I realize I have high hope to make the best work which end up consuming lengthy hours to complete or worse, not doing at all – if inspiration doesn’t hit me. This perfectionism frustrates especially when I procrastinate my work and most of the time, finish at the very last minute.
In every last minute work which is imperfectly done, I thought I’d learned my lesson. Every time, I swear and promise to start my future task earlier so that I can complete in time. Well, when you read such ranting post, it’s obvious that my attempt failed… =(
I came across with an article, discussing about creative people often procrastinate and delay their work because they want to find the best idea. Perfectionism is a common trait among creative people – and I cheerfully put myself into the group which give me an excuse for my delayed work. Hey, I want the best work ma. So I find the best idea and finish later lor.
However, I don’t feel myself productive at all. Looking at my blog achieve for example, I don’t write much blog entries over the years. I realize I wrote the most in the year of 2008 and it reduces throughout the years –
|Years||Number of blog posts|
Gosh! I only make 50 egg entries so far for this year? o_O
It might due to my buziness and other personal reasons for the reduced number of blog posts. But, I also realize that the other reason is due to my perfectionism. I don’t write if I can’t find the best inspiration. I don’t write if I don’t have the best list of photos. I don’t blog until the so and so reason.
Well, I find it hard to simply publish unorganized blog post especially when I have more readers now. I will carefully write and insert photos in each of my blog and it ended up take a very long time. I have this feeling of not wanting to loss my readers (you) with my ‘imperfect post’ for example unedited photos, unorganized thoughts and etc. Thus, there is a tendency to impress my reader more than myself.
I don’t mean that carefully organized writing is not good. Of course, I want quality work. Just, I don’t like the idea of losing my spontaneous side to complexity. This awareness was formed when I visited a bookstore yesterday and I came across with this good book on ‘Creative Writing’. There is a page which written,
Perfectionism can kill writing, cutting it dead as it tries to emerge. There is a time for perfecting writing and it is not at the outset. But what if you find it painful to produce clumsy, ineffective lines or sentences? You should understand that all writers, even the most experienced, can write badly. The gift of writing is a power that flickers – everyone has mediocre days as well as magical. Try to cultivate an attitude of curiosity.
Book: Creative Writing – Edited by Linda Anderson (page 21)
I find a strong connection with the above discussion. It’s true. Perfectionism kill my joy of writing sometimes. I was thinking, why perfectionism occur in me? I shared similar discussion in my last post on the perfectionist nerd. Is it because I am a Virgo? Or is it because I am a right-brainer? Or is it because I am being taught so?
It didn’t take me long to come up with a conclusion that, I am afraid to fail. I am afraid to portray a silly side of me. I am afraid to be judged. And, I am afraid to be seen as useless. Thus, I always want to show a stronger intellectual side of me. Probably, this also affects my blogging style – write a Grade A post or don’t write at all… =_=
I do admit that I have this perfectionist trait in me. The good news is, it can be balanced up as we aged – said Dr. Diana. And I want to cultivate my magical side through spontaneous writing starting by today. I used to blog very freely back in year 2007-2008 (can be seen on the above table).
I do think that I don’t have to show my perfectionist side in my own personal blog. After all, this is not a professional website. I am allow to make mistake, silly writing and uninteresting post, right?
Showing the silly sides of me (us) XD
It’s time for a change in curryegg. Don’t ask me what will it be because, I don’t know.. yet.. Let’s hope for more eggs in future =P
P/s: Wow, I have wrote a lengthy post in a short time without me realizing it. It works! =D