Perfectionism Kills Inspiration

I was always… and still always…

a perfectionist who have the tendency to do and finish work, perfectly perfect.
I would rather delay my time in the search for the ‘Best Inspiration’, and then only commit in doing the work.

 

It happens to my coursework, assignment, housework, making presents and even when it comes to blogging. I find it hard to start a task especially those which I am fully passionately, committed and excited with. Often, I realize I have high hope to make the best work which end up consuming lengthy hours to complete or worse, not doing at all – if inspiration doesn’t hit me. This perfectionism frustrates especially when I procrastinate my work and most of the time, finish at the very last minute.

 

In every last minute work which is imperfectly done, I thought I’d learned my lesson. Every time, I swear and promise to start my future task earlier so that I can complete in time. Well, when you read such ranting post, it’s obvious that my attempt failed… =(

 

I came across with an article, discussing about creative people often procrastinate and delay their work because they want to find the best idea. Perfectionism is a common trait among creative people – and I cheerfully put myself into the group which give me an excuse for my delayed work. Hey, I want the best work ma. So I find the best idea and finish later lor.

 

However, I don’t feel myself productive at all. Looking at my blog achieve for example, I don’t write much blog entries over the years. I realize I wrote the most in the year of 2008 and it reduces throughout the years –

 

Years	Number of blog posts
2007	163
2008	271
2009	181
2010	119
2011	*50

 

Gosh! I only make 50 egg entries so far for this year? o_O

It might due to my buziness and other personal reasons for the reduced number of blog posts. But, I also realize that the other reason is due to my perfectionism. I don’t write if I can’t find the best inspiration. I don’t write if I don’t have the best list of photos. I don’t blog until the so and so reason.

 

Well, I find it hard to simply publish unorganized blog post especially when I have more readers now. I will carefully write and insert photos in each of my blog and it ended up take a very long time. I have this feeling of not wanting to loss my readers (you) with my ‘imperfect post’ for example unedited photos, unorganized thoughts and etc. Thus, there is a tendency to impress my reader more than myself.

 

I don’t mean that carefully organized writing is not good. Of course, I want quality work. Just, I don’t like the idea of losing my spontaneous side  to complexity. This awareness was formed when I visited a bookstore yesterday and I came across with this good book on ‘Creative Writing’. There is a page which written,

 

Postpone perfection

Perfectionism can kill writing, cutting it dead as it tries to emerge. There is a time for perfecting writing and it is not at the outset. But what if you find it painful to produce clumsy, ineffective lines or sentences? You should understand that all writers, even the most experienced, can write badly. The gift of writing is a power that flickers – everyone has mediocre days as well as magical. Try to cultivate an attitude of curiosity.

Book: Creative Writing – Edited by Linda Anderson (page 21)

 

 

I find a strong connection with the above discussion. It’s true. Perfectionism kill my joy of writing sometimes. I was thinking, why perfectionism occur in me?  I shared similar discussion in my last post on the perfectionist nerd. Is it because I am a Virgo? Or is it because I am a right-brainer? Or is it because I am being taught so?

 

It didn’t take me long to come up with a conclusion that, I am afraid to fail. I am afraid to portray a silly side of me. I am afraid to be judged. And, I am afraid to be seen as useless. Thus, I always want to show a stronger intellectual side of me. Probably, this also affects my blogging style – write a Grade A post or don’t write at all… =_=

 

I do admit that I have this perfectionist trait in me. The good news is, it can be balanced up as we aged – said Dr. Diana. And I want to cultivate my magical side through spontaneous writing starting by today. I used to blog very freely back in year 2007-2008 (can be seen on the above table).


I do think that I don’t have to show my perfectionist side in my own personal blog. After all, this is not a professional website. I am allow to make mistake, silly writing and uninteresting post, right?

 

A random photo. This was taken yesterday after my bookstore visit. Met my birdies for maybe the first and last mall gathering. They are Shu Huan and Adibah (Brunei).

Showing the silly sides of me (us) XD

 

It’s time for a change in curryegg. Don’t ask me what will it be because, I don’t know.. yet.. Let’s hope for more eggs in future =P

 

P/s: Wow, I have wrote a lengthy post in a short time without me realizing it. It works! =D

Cosmetic Can Drag Down Self-Confidence

Remember my previous post on Make-up Or Naked?
Well, I have something to say.

Previous Facebook Status:

An aunt said, "Woman without make up is like not wearing clothes. Gosh! I just realized I am naked all the time.

I do agree with her because women who are too used to make-up will look 'terribly naked' on the face if they don't apply the basic: Foundation cream, face powder, lipstick, lip gloss, mascara, eye shadow and eyeliner. Another word for naked will be: Pale.




Very often, I realize females who are too depending on make-up products will have less confidence on themselves if they go out without applying any. That's why most of the celebrities dare not step out from the house without make-up even within their own house compound.

I wonder why it becomes such a big deal?

Let just take myself as an example. 2 years ago, when I was working for Khoon Hooi as a part time sale assistant, I had to put on make-up everyday. The thicker, the better. I mean as long as it is presentable of course!

And.. errr.... I don't mean like a Chinese Opera performer.
Something as normal as this:





Before I worked for Khoon Hooi, I had never put on make-up on my face if not for school performances. That's explain why I had never heard of foundation cream, let it alone from RedEarth when a girl from Sasa introduced it to me one afternoon when I was haunting for make-up stuff a day before work! At the same day, I have learned that make-up products are not cheap!


Well, straight to my point. I applied those chemical products from day to night, 6 days a week for almost 2 months. Let's guess what I gained? I gained sharper eyes, sparkling lips and smoother skin whenever I put on those make-up. Thanks to the sale girl from Sasa for giving some tips.


It doesn't take me long to come up with this theory :
With make-up is beautiful. Without make-up is ugly.





The theory was proven when I was back to my campus again for my first class during that semester (to my ordinary days). I felt uneasy staring at my pale face in the mirror as in the reflection was showing a strange girl. I didn't have the courage to face my course mates for too long because I felt something was missing on my face. Mr Confidence had slowly walked away from me.





It didn't take me long to realize what was actually happened on myself. It was so-called an addiction over make-up products. I was too depending on them and stupidly wanting them to be applied on my face 24/7. Self-esteem was shaken and I know I got to do something in order to gain them back.


I keep posting mental notes to my brain, persuading that I do not have to depend on those products to make me beautiful. Of course, I am back to normal again - not having the urge to use make-up products during classes! Classes also refer to ordinary day, non-occasional day.




Cosmetic products can turn any ordinary girl into a Cinderella (who is meeting her prince in the castle). There is no lie. It can even improve one's confidence by being a stand out in the crowds. That's why company selling make-up product always make good fortune in the market. They work like magic and I am glad they help me when I need them.





However, we have to be sure of one thing: Never let cosmetic products eaten up our confidence over our own beauty. We are unique and born with own natural beauty. No matter how, we are still who we are with or without these make-up products. Just, I personally fell that it will be better to take good care of our health rather than just beauty.


In conclusion, being naked most of the time isn't a bad thing.
Right?




Again, I mean the face.

Why Women Spend Longer Time In Shopping Mall?

One male and one female were given a mission: Go to Gap and buy a pair of pants.


What are the results?
The man spent averagely 6 minutes to buy a pair of Gap pants which cost $33 while the woman spent roughly 3 hours and 26 minutes, not reaching Gap but had used up $876.

I mean, based on the illustration below:

I almost fell off my chair when I found out a friend of mine, Joey had tagged me into his picture in Facebook (the one that I am showing you now). It was such a humorous joke and I just hardly stopped myself from giggling. Frankly, I think it does show the differences between men and women when it comes to shopping.

Well, we girls love shopping, especially window shopping and everyone knows it since all those shopping malls start conquering our lands. There is nothing to be surprised of as it has already been a fact, right? That's why, the word 'shopaholic' is created for us - the queen of shopping.

:)


Why Women Spend Longer Time In Shopping Mall?




1) We are the economists - we are good in managing our own money and time in a smart way. Just take a very close example.

My dad used up about RM50 for:
- 1 toothpaste
- 1 toothbrush
- 1 pack of maggie mee
- 1 liter of cooking oil
- 1 tin of Milo
- 1 cup


My mum used up about RM50 for:
- 2 toothpaste *free 3 toothbrushes*
- 2 pack of maggie mee *free 1 plastic bowl*
- 1 liter of cooking oil *less 10%*
- 2 pack of refilled Milo *free 1 cup*

Note: Female spend wisely. Can you just see the differences?


2) We are the good researchers - We know where to get the cheapest price and good quality stuff. We know exactly the location of each shop in the mall. We know when will the mega sales start hitting in. We know because we survey. Just look at how a woman and a man spend their RM60 for the same t-shirt but in different time. The woman get 2 polo T-shirts, one for her husband and one for herself from Giordano while the man only get 1 for himself. The secret? We go for Buy-1-Free-1 promotion while man, they are too lazy to bother.




3) We are thoughtful - we care for the people we love, that's why we shop to get good present for them. We know very well that the present will be the best thing ever in his/hers life because we are too caring. By the way, we wouldn't simply grab a gift from any cheap, low quality shop for the people we love.

4) We need exercise - Most men prefer going to the gym for exercise while most women prefer shopping mall instead! As you can see in the picture, we girls do walk a lot and consume big amount of energy especially to those who wear high heels. In addition, we are away from those irritable UV light, hot weather (you know Malaysia well, don't you?), thick carbon monoxide from the vehicles and sticky road.

Besides, there is free air-condition and free music which are provided in the mall. Aren't we the brilliant creature in the world? Em.. I mean the FEMALES! :)



5) We are socializing - Most girls go shopping with their friends, especially for a long...long... window shopping. One of the best way I find out in strengthening a relationship with my friends is by going shopping with them. It is incredibly effective. Trust me boys. That long hours of being togetherness is worth it. Well, this is our way - the female way.




6) We are the businessman - We buy at a cheap price and sell them off with higher price especially on those unique items.

7) Do I have to continue pointing the reasons? I think the above 6 reasons are enough to make guys who read them stunned.. *wink*


Again, why women spend longer time in shopping mall?
Well, we are just too smart. Am I right, ladies?




*grin*
:D

Note: Thank Joey for the tag and inspiration... ;)

An Opened Orange Mug

Note: This is not just a story about me but something to be shared about human relationship.


"Draw a picture to represent the value you have. Then share the reason why you think it suits you most", instructed by Nicole, my lecturer.


I was wondering why I pick the orange crayon (although there are another 11 choices) and drew a mug with 2 ears. At the very first place, I thought of drawing a window and I did. However, it had been erased by me. Why? Because it looked more like a box then a window. Lolx.. Then, I come with an idea, why not draw a big cup instead?


So here it is, an orange mug with two big ears.

Say it look like a mug! Haha.. XD

• Orange: Cheerful, energetic and sporting
• Mug: Openness

After drawing our own symbol, each one of us explained the meaning of the object and how it matches our value in a small group.


Once the mentioned procedures were completed, the interesting part of the session was the validation part - in which every member had to give responses, comments or compliment to the member. I shall say this is the best part of the whole session!


Yes! Best part!


I remembered how I complimented others for their positive values and how the drawing matches them. It was an indirect process where we were actually seeing the person as a whole, not part(s) of them. Amazingly, we can only see the good side of them. I guess Gestalt is right.

Conflict, judgement and negative thought on the person are slowly evaporating and they are replaced by better understanding, acceptance and trust. It is amazing how a sharing group can change each member's perspective and I guess this is why counseling group is being introduced in Western countries.


Here is the best part of my story. My real confession.
A dedication to my coursemates who might bump into this post and read it.

I was a bit nervous when it was my turn to accept validation from the others. However, when the session started, I realized I hardly look straight into their eyes. I was too paisheh la..


*blush*
*blush*
*blush*


They showered me with uncountable positive feedbacks and comments on both my drawing and personality. Plus, they agreed the orange mug suits me well! Wu la la~


I never know I am being watched and analyzed by my friends since my very first semester. Oh my. That's sound scary uh? Haha.. Just joking. I was touched by their compliments and those conversations are still spinning in my mind now. Girls and boys, thank for the great moment. I will keep them safely here ---> my heart!


*hugs*
*hugs*


Other than compliments, I am glad to know that my friends do accept me as a friend and enjoy my company all this while. They even thank me for my contribution to the class.


*touched*




I don't know why but love my course even more compare to my previous semesters. It is amazing on how the teaching of the professional lecturers and the syllabus can bring out the best in us. I start to realize the positive changes in everyone of us since last semester and I'm grateful. Seriously, I am.

We are improving from time to time, exploring the positive values in us and live with them. Some people might ignore self exploration, forcing themselves being someone else. Trust me, at the end of the day, you will be exhausted and lost.


At the same time, this group session has make me realized the importance of building a good relationship with people. A good relationship can bring you positive energy, boosting up your motivation and making you stronger. You can feel it if you have a bunch of close friends who have been supporting you all the time.




How to build a good relationship with others?
Honest. Trust. Sincere. Understanding. Respect. Acceptance. Patience.

Don't Buy Slipper Made By China

WARNING: There are disgusting photos in this post. If you don't want to spoil your meal, stop scrolling down the page and escape.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Again, this is about my email which I received yesterday. This time, it is a caring email from Asha, my lovely mama (she's so caring till I want to call her mama).. :P

Thank dear for the email and wish you don't mind if I post it here in my blog.










Frankly, I feel that these photos are even scarier than my ghost post. Look at the feet!
Eeeeeeeehhhhhwwwwwww....

Is that really the effect of wearing the slippers which are made from China? Is it so serious? I wonder is it because of the type of rubber they used in making the slippers? Emmm... question question question...

I still remember the news on how the producers in China use recycled condoms to make hair bands. Eikssssss! Isn't that disgusting? And it's so unethical and immoral business practices . I can't imagine the number of sperms tying on my hair. Or even stick on the hair. AIDS! HIV!





Eeehhhwwwwwwwwww!!!


We should really be careful in choosing China products these days. Still remember the Chinese milk scandal? Keep this in mind.

Who Pull You Up & Bring You Down?

As we are growing up, the number of people we meet is mushrooming. At the same time, the number of friend we have is changing- either it's growing or reducing.

It grows when you make more friends and it reduces when you make more enemies. Of course, most of us wish to have more friends as they will be the people we want to reach, sharing our ups and downs along our lives.




However, not every friend will be with you whenever you're in trouble and this is the fact. Let's say, you have 368 friends in your list and try to recall everyone of them and answer these questions.

• Who will be there for you, hearing your cries and swearing when you lost your laptop?
• Who will buy you an ice cream or chocolate when you are in bad mood?
• Who will pat your shoulder and grip your hands, encouraging you to keep moving when you are stuck in the past?
• Who will back stabbing you when you get a high post at your work place?
• Who will always run away whenever you need help?

I believe a list of names start popping up in your mind. You know who they are, don't you?


Now, take a few seconds and dip your mind into your liquid memory. Try to think, who are the people who pull you up during in your down moment and who are the people who bring you down during in your glory moment?

Lately, I've come across with a motivation book entitled "100 Ways To Motivate Yourself" written by Steve Chandler. One of the suggestion from the author sounds like this:


"Simple walk away from friends who don't support the changes in your life. There will be friends who don't. They will be jealous and afraid every time you make a change. They will see your new motivation as a condemnation of their own lack of it. In subtle ways, they will bring you back down to who you used to be. Beware of friends and family who do this. They know not what they do."


It sounds so true as some friends will stop us from moving forward. I should say it's not their main intention to be jealous because firstly, they can't accept a sudden change in us. The person they used to see for years has suddenly turn into someone else. Let's say, Kylie had been an 'ugly Betty' ever since she is small. She was over weight, nerdy, unfashionable and untidy with oily acne face. Out of a sudden, she turned into someone like Jessica Alba. Pwweett!

Can you accept the dramatic change?

Secondly, some friends are worried to see our changes because they are afraid that we might overtake their work. Or maybe they are afraid that we might leave them alone. Imagine this, for all the while, you and your best friend exam result are at the average level. One day, you noticed he or she was so motivated to study and in your mind, you're worried you might left out. So, you start to be unhappy and slowly, jealousy is conquering your mind.



Next, your sudden change make your friends feel that you're moving away from their group. For all this while, you follow whatever the group decision and acceptance. Your weird change has made them feel uneasy. Thus, they will start pulling you back so that you're not walking far away from the group. For example, your friends and you used to loiter around in shopping mall after school. But you realize that spending more time in entertainment will affect your studies.



So, you start spending less time with your group of friends. As a result, they realize your change and start isolating you and back stabbing you.




Most of the situations above are from my own experience. I realize that friends can either encourage your to achieve your goal or discourage you from the positive change. Well, besides friends, family members can be one of them as well.

I agree with Steve Chandler as we should choose the happy few who support the positive changes in our lives. This will motivate us to keep on track with our life-time-goal. Before picking our happy few, we should first identify our goal and how firm we want to achieve it. Once we know what we want in life, we can start choosing our own motivators.



I do have a few and honestly, I'm lucky to have them in my life. They never left me alone whenever I need a pair of good ears to speak out my feeling, a broad shoulders for me to lie on whenever I'm tired, and a pair of warm arms for me to receive hugs when I need support. Oops, and not to forget a thick wallet to treat me whenever I'm emotional (eating has a therapeutic effect on me. It helps!)



Seriously, I want a change in myself right now and I'm finding way to start it off. Yes, I want to achieve them before I get 30. Woaahh! I can't imagine myself at the age of 30 right now.. Emm....

*stop thinking!*

Anyway, Thank you guys for always being there for me, you know who I mean here don't you? Hope that I'm one of the 'motivator' for you too... :)

P/s: If you have a dream or dreams and people around your are discouraging you, don't worry. Stick to yourself and do whatever you think is right. It's your life and you have to pick your own road, not others. Good luck!



:)

Join Me And Play Like A Kid

Will you miss your childhood?
Will you ever wish to return to the time where you can play and run like a kid?
Will you want to be a child who are innocence and happy-going-lucky all the time?
Will you thirst of the care, love and attention from the adults especially mum and dad?

Me?
I do.....

I do wish to be a kid, sometimes. Firstly, it's mainly because of I can be myself: 100% pure. Kids will never worry of their appearance on what kind of hairstyle do they have or what brand of garments are they wearing. All they have is a simple thinking on what they should play next!

Goshh!!!!!
I love playing games and I start missing my Lego, Barbie Dolls, Teddy Bears, Cooking Tools and etc!

"Mum! Where are my toys????"
*Screaming like a kid*

Secondly, children are active and lovely. They will gain lot of attention from the others especially when they are laughing. Adults love playing with children and I want that too! I want attention from the others!!! Oh my...

Besides, being a child will never have to worry about their past nor future. All they have in mind are in presence- what to do now and who should I get now. That's why children are always so happy and lively.

Being a 21 year old girl now, it's sometimes stressful and confusing. Responsibility start dragging me away from the fun world and I have to be strict, serious and hardworking on my own task (sometimes even on others task).

Well, don't worry about me. I'm good in managing my stress and worries. I know how to 'detoxify' my negative thinking. Wanna know what are my secrets? Come come.. let me tell you one of my tip.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

*drum roll*

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Play in the playground!





Lolx...
I just don't know why but I've the strong urged to play in the playground whenever I'm lost or stressed. It makes me happy whenever I step into the playground. Well, not every playground will give me the same happy mood. Only those which allow me to play and able to fit my body in....

Like these...



Isn't that fun!
This place is gonna be an ideal place for me to play freely without being noticing. Hehe.. the playground was quite and not much adults there. Therefore.... unbelievably, the playground had become the "Curryegg's Fun House"!!!!!

Wweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee................

Well, playing alone is never fun. Luckily, my cousin was there playing together with me in my Curryegg's Fun House! Lolx....

And I was in the other end. Can you see me? :P

I wonder, should I be catergorized in the children category or the adult? Am I still having the 'underage' characteristics?

What do you think?

Emmm......
I heard someone screaming at a corner, asking me to act more like an adult?

*mind spinning over and over again*

Well.... who cares?
As long as I'm happy and not being caught!
Muahahahahha.... XD

By the way, wanna join me?

How To Combine Beauty And Self-Confidence?

Nowadays, more and more people are lacking of self confidence to their own physical appearance. This is how eating disorders like Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa happen mostly among teenagers.



Besides, beauty and plastic surgery center are mushrooming in any corner of the world. You can get any beauty service starting from head to toe as long as you've sufficient cash!

Honestly, these services are good in order to help their clients to be more confidence and love themselves more. I believe you've experienced on how you love your new colourful shinning nails, or your new hair styles or your new nose. But believe me, you will never satisfy.

I have always wanted to know the secret of combining beauty and self-confidence. If you know me personally, you'll find out that I'm not a kind of girl with much confidence when it comes to beauty. Maybe it's because I'm not being categorized in the A crowd- where you will get popular people with beautiful features, fashionable wearing, great personality, excellent achievement, and etc.


Besides, people around me do effect the way I behave. Who are they? Parents, relatives and friends (This's what we call Social Psychology). As I've mentioned in my previous post, I indicate that it's human nature who love to compare among each other.

My mum used to say, " Why are your eyes are so small unlike your mum. I must have picked you somewhere in the garbage". For some of you who had heard my rants about how small my eyes are in my previous post, this is the reason I guess. Haha.. blaming my parents. But no worries, I love my single eye lit right now. To make my eyes larger, I can always use mascara or eye shadow.. Right?

According to Psychology, the influence of parents are great and it will influence the child behave along the growing process. I still remember I watched a show about Michael Jackson before, about 4 years ago. The host of the show asked him on what had made his mind to do plastic surgery?

And his answer is, "My dad is my biggest influence. He hates his children for being black. This has made me wanted to be White with higher social level". Note: This is not the exact dialog he had made but the idea is there.


If his dad heard that, he must be very sorry. Look, how parents effect their child greatly? I prefer parents to love and support their child by showing unconditional cares. Because, if they don't the child will suffer. There will be bigger challenges out there- the media and society.

I'd a long conversation with my long-lost-friend in MSN yesterday and she told me that she doesn't have the confidence to her appearance ever since she was small. Of course, my reaction was like.. "Uhh?". For sure, she's a beautiful girl with a lot of admires. I just couldn't believe that a beautiful girl like her will lack of confidence too. She can be a cover girl if a magazine company approach her. Serious!

The question is, why does she feel so bad with her appearance? Of course, the first reason will be family, next friends and society. I guess she did too much of comparison with her siblings, friends and models. I know how she feels. However, I feel there's no point comparing physical appearance as we're all gifted by God. We should be grateful with what we have.


I always believe that every human has his/her own beauty and unique. Take for an example, to select a professional model like in The American Next Top Model, she must have her own unique look and most importantly the skills of being in front of the camera and audience. That's mean, brain and beauty!!! Yup. Other than beauty, she/he must have brain too! I prefer a person to have brain, rather than beauty itself because beauty will fade with time whereas brain will go with time. Agree?




So, stop worrying about your appearance. We're beautiful remember? Well, how should we combine beauty and self-confidence? I would like to conclude: When one has high self confidence to himself/herself, beauty will come eventually.

High Self-Confidence = Beautiful

Let's read this aloud.....

Yes! I'm beautiful!!!

Related posts:

• Are you beautiful
• Do beauty come with brain?
• Make yourself attractive
• You shouldn't date if you're ugly