Seriously, I have to thank Mamak for reminding me about something very important, something which I tend to forget, not till an hour ago, when a familiar phrase playing in my left eardrum.
“Remember what you have written in your blog before? Now Or Never?”, she questioned me boldly while both of us were on the phone.
The very first thing which came into my mind is.… she really read my blog. Lol… That is a good proof.. *thanks buddy*
Hearing her words, I understand instantly that I have been wasting my time, not doing anything but blaming others and also myself for having a bad, damn day. I regretted for spending my whole new year, holding unreasonable grudges. It is tiring and I don’t understand why I convinced myself that it was something right to do – being moody.
One of the main reasons which causes this moodiness is because of an argument with Eric during New Year eve (last night). Both of us chatted animatedly over an issue before things turned ugly. I got hurt by his words and his impatience. The way he delivered his speech and feeling really stretches my heart. His temper rose so fast that sometimes (in fact, most of the time), I feel hard to step in. Well, this is not the first time.
As soon as we reached the suggested place to have dinner, we did stop and talk things over, openly. He blamed me for not speaking and asking things clearly which caused the argument while me, blamed him for his impatient. I guess, it is always easy to blame others, rather than admitting one’s wrong. Since there is no hidden camera(s) which can record every speech and move of each party, it is pointless to blame. That’s what I believe.
So, in the end, each of us tried to explain ourselves from our shoes, in the hope that the other party can understand each situation from different perspective to avoid misunderstanding. That’s the best thing I can do to maintain a relationship – be patient, open and understanding.
Maybe, it is because that I realize, no matter what happen in a relationship, whether a small argument, unwanted pregnancy, cheating, affair, broke-up or divorce both parties are responsible over the matter. There is nothing like clapping with one hand. There must be a problem behind each issue which involve both partners. For example, why brake up happens? Maybe, the boyfriend is too busy with work and unconsciously, neglected his girlfriend’s needs (being cold, quiet & etc) while on the other hand, the girlfriend being worried over her boyfriend’s disappearance and turned up to be more attached which indirectly, annoyed the boyfriend. In the end, both felt annoyed and hurt, which then lead to brake up.
Well, that is a simplicity example. Of course, real story is even more complicated.
That’s how it teaches me to be understanding and patience in my current relationship. I can see that Eric is doing his part too and is slowly improving. Just, I hope he can be more sensitive and caring over my feeling as his temper really killing my day.
Although he has already said sorry to me, I still felt moody until today before having the phone call with Mamak. Thanks to the wake-up-call because as soon as I heard ‘Now Or Never’ from her, I realized immediately that I am the one who is still living in the history while the others already walking ahead.
I could not believe that I have been wasting my time, doing nothing in this whole day (though there are a long to-do-list). I don’t feel like blogging, reading, talking nor moving. All I did is just sitting in front of the laptop, spoiling myself with Pokemon Sapphire games. So disappointing.
Since I have already accepted his apology, I should just forgive and forget. There is no point covering the mind with unreasonable negativity. It is tiring man. I wonder, why my superego and ego (from Sigmund Freud) aren’t working? Maybe, it is because of my period?
Whatever it is, I have woken up now and I should seal my brain with this quotes, “Now Or Never”. There are a lot of things waiting me to be done and I could not bear losing my time anymore. 2009 isn’t much a success for me, in which I failed to turn dreams into action. Too much procrastination which ended up, not achieving anything.
So, this year… 2010. I called it an Action Year. If 2012 really occurs (the end of the day), I still have remaining 2 years to do whatever I want to do, right?
My new motto, ‘Live Life With No Regrets’.
That also reminds me that we do not wait happiness to find us but we are the one who find happiness. In a nutshell, we don’t rely others to give us happiness but we help ourselves to find happiness.
Thus, no more moodiness… =)
P/s: Thanks buddy for being there whever I need ya. Hugs.
P/p/s: Posts from my December trip, Sabah. You know you can’t miss any of my travel posts. In fact, ALL MY POSTS! Haha.. XD