Lately, I am a bit confuse with myself, not knowing what exactly I want in my life. Well, the long term goal still remain the same, that is to become a professional counselor in the next few years once I graduate. However, I still feel that there is something missing in me. Like an unsolved puzzle.
Last weekend, I had a small chat over the phone with Irene, one of my best friends and also the oldest friend I ever had (lol.. she is going to kill me hearing the word ‘old’…). I knew her I was 6. Crazy right? We had spent like nearly 2 hours discussing over some ‘hot topics’. Well, if it is not because of my mum who yelled and complaint on the long-hour-call, I can ensure that the hours of call will double if not triple. Haha.. Mum was worried for my ear drums. I do agree with her because after the conversation, I have an unclear hearing, like buzzing sounds. Oops! Your fault Irene. Why did you subscribe an unlimited local phone call. Hmpm.
Anyway, that is not my main point. We had come across with an interesting topic, that is about our 'DREAMS’. I can hear that she has this new inspiration and new goal in life lately about fighting for women’s right which is good. I, on the other hand want to build a platform where I can inspire and motivate others into achieving their dreams. Both of us are excited and motivated to achieve our dreams. We know what we want and have even found a few alternatives in achieving them. Well, no one will ever have to worry for Irene’s part because she is quite keen and clear if compare to me.
It is not that I am weak or lazy. No. Of course not. It is just that.. Emm… complicated. Sigh… It is just that, there is something missing in me, something hollow, something which I need to figure out and focus on before starting the BIG PLAN. The surprising thing is, Irene could feel the missing parts too! She told me that she can sense I am waiting for ‘something’ – the unknown. She added, once the ‘something’ is found, I will have no doubts to get on to my feet and start running to the targeted goal. Gosh! How did she do that? I mean, well.. since most of the time we spent more time in the phone rather than a real meet up, it is remarkable that she still can understand my current situation. Even me, myself don’t even realize that. Spooky man! Spooooooky!
Well, well, well….. Sad to say that, I am still undergoing this situation – like in the drama, ‘Journey To The West’ where the monk and 4 of his followers travel to the West by just walking to experience and understand about God creation and human in order to find THE ANSWER’. I guess, my current situation is similar that, just, I don’t have followers who can spare their heads for me to think things together. Lol…
Having this kind of unclear situation, it sometimes brings down my self-confidence and motivation. I feel useless for not being able to control my life. Well…. not that I am hating myself. It is just that, I will be happier and satisfy if I know how to achieve my dreams.
I am wondering, maybe the ‘something’ has something to do with financial support? Since I am still depending on my parents, I guess I need money to support my plan? Or the knowledge which I have not master yet? Maybe I should climb up the hill and find an eligible master who can teach me kung fu? Or the social support which I should look for in order to get help and support? Well… I don’t know.
Ever since the last conversation I had with Irene, it put me into a new stage where I start to think deeper and wider on some possibilities which might properly occur and explore further on the alternatives which I can take. I have been putting my new thinking cap ever since now and then. Thanks to her… =)
I guess, it is good that I spend time thinking rather than dreaming right? So, I should start looking and searching for the key, the key which will unlock all the mysteries which I’m desperately wanting to know.
But before that, allow me to have fun especially when Christmas is around the corner. I should make a full wish list to Santa and hope to get those presents I want so dearly.. ho ho ho… :D
P/s: Now I wonder, is the key made by gold, silver, platinum, wood or plastic? Is it in gold, silver, yellow, red or transparent colour? Help! Lead me to the key please….