07 February 2010

I Have Decided

I have decided.

I will not stop blogging. In fact, I will even push myself to blog more.


You might be wondering, how I come into this decision after the surprising news (or maybe shocking to some of you) which is to continue my blogging adventure?



You wanna know why?



Are you sure?

Are you sure?

Are you sure?




Well ok then, your persistency in curiosity win over for an explanation from me. In fact, I call this as sharing, not like I am explaining or reporting to a boss. Sensitive, you know? lol..



I have tried to pull myself back, not wanting to blog anything as long as it takes. But guess what? I feel meaningless in the past 2 days. I feel like, I am losing something which I love but I was being held back. This feeling is completely different comparing to the time when I was having my vacation. Because, during vacation, I am treasuring my hope to get as much information, photos and experiences as possible and blog them immediately once I reach home.


I don’t know why I am so enthusiastic to do so. Well, I guess it is mainly because of you my dear readers who are waiting eagerly for my news (although not a big number, still I am excited to do so). Being in this blogging world has intrigued me to capture every of my meaningful moment as much as possible and turn them into words and photographs. It has been almost 3 years now and still I love doing so.


Well, I am not doing this for others. I am doing this for myself, my family, my love one and my friends. If you read I hold existential post, you might remember that I’m a strong holder of Existential philosophy. I believe in spiritual thinking (this has nothing to do with any specific religion belief) as in why human is here, living in this Earth.


I tend to think beyond life and beyond death.



I am always thirst of finding the answer behind these ‘phenomenal’ – life and death. Deep inside me, I believe that if one has been given a chance to live in this beautiful world, named Earth, there must be reasons behind it. It is either to allow us to learn the meaning of life, to continue the human generation, to help others, to fight for the nation or any other reasons that is true to you.


Same thinking go to death. Why someone we love so much die at those particular moment? Why not earlier or why not later? Why did he die in such a place?



Have you ever wonder, why Terry Fox managed to face the challenge of death when he knew that he encountered cancer at the knee, osteosarcoma (since 1977 and he died on 1981)? Why he didn’t give up or surrender himself to God, to take his life any minutes or nano seconds? Why did he work so hard for the Marathon of Hope?


How Terry Fox appeal for his goal – The Marathon of Hope. This is something really touching and inspiring which I get from wikipedia. Thank you for this beautiful piece of writing from Fox:



My name is Terry Fox. I am 21 years old, and I am an amputee. I lost my right leg two-and-a-half years ago due to cancer. The night before my amputation, my former basketball coach brought me a magazine with an article on an amputee who ran in the New York Marathon. It was then when I decided to meet this new challenge head on and not only overcome my disability, but conquer it in such a way that I could never look back and say it disabled me. But I soon realized that would only be half of my quest, for as I went through the sixteen months of the physically and emotionally draining ordeal of chemotheraphy, I was rudely awakened by the feelings that surrounded and coursed through the cancer clinic. There were the faces with the brave smiles, and the ones who had given up smiling. There were the feelings of hopeful denial, and the feelings of despair. My quest would not be a selfish one. I could not leave knowing these faces and feelings would still exist, even though I would be set free from mine. Somewhere the hurting must stop...and I was determined to take myself to the limit for this cause.


I feel now is the time to make good my promise. I have been training for eight months, running on an artificial leg. Starting with half a mile, I have now worked up to thirteen-and-a-half a day, adding half a mile weekly. By April next year [1980], I will be ready to achieve something that for me was once only a distant dream reserved for the world of miracles; to run across Canada to raise money for the fight against cancer. The running I can do, even if I have to crawl every last mile. But there are some barriers I cannot overcome alone. We need your help. The people in cancer clinics all over the world need people who believe in miracles. I am not a dreamer and I'm not saying that this will initiate any kind of definitive answer or cure to cancer, but I believe in miracles. I have to.


P/s: If he can do it, why not us?


Seriously, I really impressed with such people who are empowered with positive energy who dare to face death and at the same time, able to enlighten and motivate others to carry on with their life because they believe that each day can bring a different to everyone’s life. Such people  never waste any second of their life, just like Dr Randy Pausch.



So, why am I talking about all these, about Life, death and people? Because I realize that life is short and I may die any time from now. Maybe I might struck by high electrical devices while blogging about this, or earthquake hitting my place or this or so on and forth.


Or maybe, I might face Amnesia or Parkinson disease when I am aging. Hey, no one knows k? Not that I am cursing myself but this is a realistic world. Anything can happen to anyone of us, don’t you agree?


Thus, I realize that blogging can actually help me to share whatever I want, whatever I find it helpful for others in coping with their daily life – whether to share something entertaining, something touching or something informative. Also, I wish to keep a record for myself and my family (my parents, my future husband and children) so that if I am no longer living in this world, they still have a channel to ‘find me’. Or, if I encounter long-term memory lost, I still can find the ‘before me’.


I guess I have put too much thinking in this. Too much reflection about life. Gosh! I feel like I have orbited the whole Earth while sitting here, typing about what I feel and think. Still, this is something good to be shared right? Say yes, say yes or else, I don’t want to right jor… =)


In conclusion, I will continue writing and thank you to all of you have left me such a meaningful opinions and sharing. I really appreciate every words that you have contributed into my life.



Theme: Hope


I realize that career is like a peanut comparing to the real goal I wanna achieve in my life. Career is my something but my life is my everything. Thus, I don’t want to be restricted by my career if I wanna live my life to the fullest. Of course, this doesn’t mean that I will ruin my future. Instead, I will be wiser in dealing with the future conflict which I might face – as I have found a way.. =)


So, don’t worry. This blog will not be closed. I will not stop blogging. Good news? =)




Do wait for my next following post. This time, it is about YKN.