08 October 2008

Who Pull You Up & Bring You Down?

As we are growing up, the number of people we meet is mushrooming. At the same time, the number of friend we have is changing- either it's growing or reducing.

It grows when you make more friends and it reduces when you make more enemies. Of course, most of us wish to have more friends as they will be the people we want to reach, sharing our ups and downs along our lives.

However, not every friend will be with you whenever you're in trouble and this is the fact. Let's say, you have 368 friends in your list and try to recall everyone of them and answer these questions.

  • Who will be there for you, hearing your cries and swearing when you lost your laptop?
  • Who will buy you an ice cream or chocolate when you are in bad mood?
  • Who will pat your shoulder and grip your hands, encouraging you to keep moving when you are stuck in the past?
  • Who will back stabbing you when you get a high post at your work place?
  • Who will always run away whenever you need help?

I believe a list of names start popping up in your mind. You know who they are, don't you?

Now, take a few seconds and dip your mind into your liquid memory. Try to think, who are the people who pull you up during in your down moment and who are the people who bring you down during in your glory moment?

Lately, I've come across with a motivation book entitled "100 Ways To Motivate Yourself" written by Steve Chandler. One of the suggestion from the author sounds like this:

"Simple walk away from friends who don't support the changes in your life. There will be friends who don't. They will be jealous and afraid every time you make a change. They will see your new motivation as a condemnation of their own lack of it. In subtle ways, they will bring you back down to who you used to be. Beware of friends and family who do this. They know not what they do."

It sounds so true as some friends will stop us from moving forward. I should say it's not their main intention to be jealous because firstly, they can't accept a sudden change in us. The person they used to see for years has suddenly turn into someone else. Let's say, Kylie had been an 'ugly Betty' ever since she is small. She was over weight, nerdy, unfashionable and untidy with oily acne face. Out of a sudden, she turned into someone like Jessica Alba. Pwweett!

Can you accept the dramatic change?

Secondly, some friends are worried to see our changes because they are afraid that we might overtake their work. Or maybe they are afraid that we might leave them alone. Imagine this, for all the while, you and your best friend exam result are at the average level. One day, you noticed he or she was so motivated to study and in your mind, you're worried you might left out. So, you start to be unhappy and slowly, jealousy is conquering your mind.

Next, your sudden change make your friends feel that you're moving away from their group. For all this while, you follow whatever the group decision and acceptance. Your weird change has made them feel uneasy. Thus, they will start pulling you back so that you're not walking far away from the group. For example, your friends and you used to loiter around in shopping mall after school. But you realize that spending more time in entertainment will affect your studies.

So, you start spending less time with your group of friends. As a result, they realize your change and start isolating you and back stabbing you.

Most of the situations above are from my own experience. I realize that friends can either encourage your to achieve your goal or discourage you from the positive change. Well, besides friends, family members can be one of them as well.

I agree with Steve Chandler as we should choose the happy few who support the positive changes in our lives. This will motivate us to keep on track with our life-time-goal. Before picking our happy few, we should first identify our goal and how firm we want to achieve it. Once we know what we want in life, we can start choosing our own motivators.

I do have a few and honestly, I'm lucky to have them in my life. They never left me alone whenever I need a pair of good ears to speak out my feeling, a broad shoulders for me to lie on whenever I'm tired, and a pair of warm arms for me to receive hugs when I need support. Oops, and not to forget a thick wallet to treat me whenever I'm emotional (eating has a therapeutic effect on me. It helps!)

Seriously, I want a change in myself right now and I'm finding way to start it off. Yes, I want to achieve them before I get 30. Woaahh! I can't imagine myself at the age of 30 right now.. Emm....

*stop thinking!*

Anyway, Thank you guys for always being there for me, you know who I mean here don't you? Hope that I'm one of the 'motivator' for you too... :)

P/s: If you have a dream or dreams and people around your are discouraging you, don't worry. Stick to yourself and do whatever you think is right. It's your life and you have to pick your own road, not others. Good luck!